Just trust.

As I was on the phone with my parents today, my dad and I got on the topic of how the year 2010 has been for me. It has been an extremely difficult year for me. [and I certainly focused on that for several hours tonight] However, I am not here to write about all the things that have made this year difficult for me and expect a pity party. Instead, I would like to throw myself a "Look-What-You-Have-Accomplished-Despite-Your-Difficulties-and-Adversity" party.

There have been more than one occasion this year in which I have thought, "Heavenly Father, why? I know I am not perfect, but really?" And each time, the answer is the same, "It is because you aren't perfect, yet. It is because I love you and I want you to reach the potential that I see in you."

 I have cried 5 times this year. I have been

frustrated, 

                          disappointed, 
                                              baffled, 
                                                                inept, and 
                                                 bitter. 

I have smiled millions of times. I have laughed even more. I have been

ecstatic, 

                                             content, 

 fulfilled, 

                                                             gratified,                                                                

                                                 peaceful, 
                    confident, 
                                                    collected, 

                                                                                            

and comfortable. 

I have had my fair share of humbling experiences; I can't help but be grateful for them. As much as I wish life were easy, it's really not. And what may seem like difficulties to me may be a breeze for someone else. But I wouldn't have it any other way. My experiences and adversities shape who I am. I can't claim that I have ever felt that while going through a difficult time, but I am learning. I realize that I am still a child in so many ways. I'm still learning how to walk--how to walk in the footsteps of Christ.

As I was thinking about how difficult a year I have had [I believe I told my dad that "it has been the worst year of my life so far. I'm not a fan of 2010".] I couldn't help but think of the many blessings that have come from these difficulties. It may be in part because of the wonderful Thanksgiving spirit that has hit me, but I wanted to share a small list. [It will be small...ish. :) I can't help but share a lot sometimes.] It will only be the big major ones and only bits and pieces. Some things are too personal to put out in the open internet.

1. I tore my ACL in March and had surgery one week later on April 2nd. Shortly before this I had made the decision to continue my education at BYU. This decision was not one that I had taken lightly and was unsure why the Lord had prompted me to stay but once I tore my ACL I knew it was because I would be unable to afford living elsewhere because I wouldn't be able to work fire this summer. 

2. I was unable to work fire this summer. This brought on more difficulties than I care to share but amongst those was my difficulties with coworkers and that I was not making as much money as I would need for the next school year. As my summer progressed, I was able to become a much more humble and open minded person. I had to have this experience to better understand compassion and what it meant to have the True Love of Christ. 

3. I was in a major accident and I know without a shadow of a doubt that my life was spared only through divine intervention. Looking at the pictures of the truck, and having walked away without so much as a bruise, there is no other explanation. I had some very eye opening and personal experiences in the hour it took for people to find me. I wish that it hadn't taken such a big event for me to see and understand what I needed to see and understand but that is the foolishness of a stubborn young adult. To have that close of a near death experience, and to have had the personal experience I had while sitting on the door of a totaled truck in the middle of the woods waiting for rescuers, is one that I will contribute the rest of my life towards. 

4. I returned to BYU only to find that my housing had been foreclosed in early June and I would have to find new housing...5 days before the start of school. I lived out of my car for a couple days and crashed on a friend's couch. Just today, I found why exactly it was that I had to have such a frustrating and upsetting experience. I know that I needed to be in the ward I am in so that I could find what I had been looking for since I came to BYU--an understanding Bishop who would help me discover my strength and abilities as a person. His encouragement would also help me on the right path to serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have only a few steps left to complete and just over a month before my papers are submitted. 

Through adversity comes blessings. We are being refined so that we might be perfected in Christ. I am grateful this holiday season for my adversities. I am grateful that there will one day come the time that I will see in my own reflection, the countenance of Christ. [Referencing this wonderful story that is much shorter than my post and should therefore be read: The Refiner's Fire]

I hope to post again soon but if I don't, Happy Thanksgiving! 

"Chelsea, why are you worried? You know that Heavenly Father loves you and has a plan. Take a deep breath and just trust."

thanks, dad.