I was painting yesterday; sitting on the ground, barefoot in an oversize sweatshirt (pretty much normal). As I was painting I accidentally painted the bottom of my foot. I know you're wondering how it was an accident but it was just the way I was sitting and the angle. The very first thought that popped into my head was, "Well, that is certainly one way to leave footprints on this earth." [And I'm not talking my carbon footprint.]
Maybe it is just because I have so much time that I spend alone but I think. A LOT. And one thing I've been thinking about lately is how my actions affect others. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night because no matter what position I seem to be in it hurts so the other night I went back over my life thus far.
I've lived in the same place for 12 years (minus college) and because it is such a small town I spent elementary school, middle school, and high school with the same people. I don't talk to almost any of them which seems so sad. The question is WHY? When I first started thinking about it, I approached it the same way I always have: I am Mormon and I chose to not participate in the partying and drinking which meant that I didn't have friends. As I was laying there, it suddenly hit me: That was NOT why I felt like I didn't have friends. I didn't have friends because I wasn't a real friend. I wanted so badly for others to reach out to me and be MY friend that I didn't bother to be that friend for others.
Armed with that knowledge I want to apologize to all those I went to school with. I'm sorry for feeling sorry for myself for not having felt like I didn't have friends when I should have been a better friend. I want to apologize for anything I ever did that may have hurt or offended you, for anything I didn't do that I should have (like called to see if you were feeling ok, or give you a hug when you looked a little blue.) I hated high school but I know that we were all young and immature; we all said things we regret and I don't want those to be the footprints I have left on this earth.
I hope I can leave footprints of love, compassion, kindness, knowledge, sympathy, charity, hope, virtue, integrity, honesty. I hope that I can touch someone's heart for good and that I'm remembered for having been someone who helped for the better and didn't cause a painful scar. I want to be able to leave my mark in a positive way. What kind of mark will you leave?