Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Loving myself makes me want to sing.

Today, I found THIS. And THIS.

Ok, so that is a blatant lie. I'm sorry to have started this post off this way. It's been a while and yet I'm already telling lies. I apologize and promise to never let it happen again.

Now, I'll be honest. I didn't find those today, in fact, I found them back sometime in June I think. I even started out a post by writing that one sentence and then promptly forgot about them. I think they mean a lot more to me now than when I found them, though. Why? Well, let me tell you what's been going on in my life.

In June, I got mono. Finally, the time came that I left on my mission. July 27, 2011. I should have been gone for 18 months, right? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. I loved every second of my mission--even when it was hard, even when I had bronchitis. Amongst other health problems. Which brings us to why I was honorably released from my mission on September 21, 2011. Five days shy of leaving the MTC and going to New Mexico. Perhaps I'll share some of my mission stories (the few I have) at some other time.

That brings us to now. I've been to the doctor several times since I've been home and have a laparoscopic surgery scheduled at the end of November. Hopefully that will bring us some answers. Until then, all we have are some guesses-valid guesses, but guesses nonetheless. The first and foremost guess being that I have what is called endometriosis. Of course they aren't sure and for now I just have to deal with immense pain until it is resolved. Whenever that happens.

Which also means that I'm back home living with my parents in Oregon. Some days I can't even get out of bed because I'm so tired. I don't have a job or money. And the closest I've been to even being asked on a date? When the doctor in the Emergency Room on Sunday asked if I was single or married.

Sometimes it is hard to motivate ourselves. I've had a hell of a time doing just that. But I'm learning some lessons. I'm learning about patience and how to let others help me. It's hard when you are such an independent person but something I learned in the past few days? Even though most people I talk to may not know what exactly I'm going through, they can still have good advice and I'm not the only person having a hard time.

One of the greatest blessings on this earth and in the mortal journey? Other people. Why? Because we get to serve each other. We get to empathize with, love, care for, and help each other. And we get to help ourselves. So, I'm not going to be selfish and focus on what is going wrong in my life. Instead, I will take it day by day. Some days I can't get out of bed. Some days I feel so nauseated I can't walk straight. And some days, I can get out of bed and walk straight and do things I enjoy. And EVERY day, I can feel love and joy no matter the circumstance.