Sunday, January 16, 2011

I asked God who I'm supposed to be...

I have a lot on my mind today. [As I do everyday...] However, the foremost question I have on my mind came from listening to this song [click me!] I've asked the question, "Who am I supposed to be?" a million and one times. Probably more. It feels like every time the answer changes; and yet, it's almost always exactly the same. 

Once upon a time, I was a little girl. I used to dream of who I would become and the things I would do with my life. I used to dream of being a doctor, of helping people, of being a wife, a mother, a best friend, an accomplished woman living in some big city wearing fancy clothes, the luckiest girl in the world because a real true Prince Charming came and whisked me away to be a Princess of a foreign country, a scientist who discovered a cure-all for every disease ever, an explorer of an exotic land, a major athlete, an actress and I'm fairly certain at one point I wished I could be a unicorn. A precious few of those goals were attainable [like being a unicorn!] and even fewer are ones I still have in my life.  But just because it's what I want, doesn't necessarily mean it is what I should be. 

Life is full of choices and that is what defines its meaning. I have the choice to be a doctor or a wildlife biologist, I have the choice to skip church on Sunday or to go, I have the choice to eat a piece of toast or a banana. From big to little, we make choices every day. I don't know that I have ever had an immediate answer when faced with a question [even the toast or banana one! That's a hard choice!] but I do know that I won't always make the right choice the first time around. I make mistakes, I stumble, I fall, I cry, and I get frustrated beyond belief with how human I am. [The unicorn dream is looking really great about now] Every day I have to apologize for hurting someone, for wronging someone, for falling flat on my face. I also have the privilege of every single day having the opportunity to do so. I have the opportunity to learn something new, to ask forgiveness and forgive others, to smile, laugh, dream. There is, however, one thing I can not apologize for. And that is being human. I understand that each of us are human and we all make mistakes. I have learned [and sometimes have to re-learn] to forgive others. I hope and pray that those who I have hurt or may think I have wronged them will be able to forgive me. 

In a world that is full of strife and struggle, there is a hope for a better day. It's up to us to make that day better. 

I asked God who I'm supposed to far as I can tell, he wants me to be human and learn from my mistakes, forgive, love, serve, and be someone that others look up to.

In a world where pollution and destruction reign, it's a true testimony that our own souls can be this beautiful despite our follies and mistakes when you see how wonderfully hard this earth is trying to be this gorgeous.

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