Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A post about BOYS. And the stupid things they do.

Yes, I am still alive. It's been quite sometime but I'm still here. And I'm about to do something I did not think I ever would for fear that people mentioned may find and read this. However, said people aren't really important in my life so I'm doing it anyway.

This is a post to almost all the boys I've dated and the stupid stuff they've done to me. I hope you can laugh about them like I have and if you happen to be one of the offenders...I'm not looking for an apology and I'm definitely not hung up on you [and I hope you've grown from the experience and if not can learn a little something today!]

STUPID THINGS BOYS SHOULD NEVER DO [the following are all true experiences with the least amount of exaggeration added and definitely not in chronological order.]

1. Don't buy me an ID bracelet. I know my name. Just a cute piece of jewelry without my name on it is fine.

2. Don't ask me on a date to a fancy restaurant, break your arm the day before, make me cut up all your food for you PLUS carry your dessert from the buffet and then ask me to pay.

3. Don't be talking to me, bring up something personal, and then say, "Oh actually my girlfriend is here right now and I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now. Want to come over around 11 or so tonight?"

4. Don't blow a raspberry on my neck. Or try to on my stomach. Or my foot. I AM NOT 3.

5. Don't tell my friends that while you don't believe I will be good at something you still think I need to do it because I need to learn to be an adult and grow up. You tried to blow a raspberry on my stomach!

6. Don't tell me that you've received revelation that I need to go on a mission. (MORE THAN ONE BOY!)

7. Don't date me off and on for several months and then show up to church with your girlfriend and make ME sit next to her and answer the awkward question of, "so how do you know these guys?"

8. Don't ask me for help filling out scholarships and reading your poorly written essays, kiss me, tell me I'm wonderful and then inform me that you'd ask your girlfriend (now wife) but she isn't exactly the smartest.

9. Don't take me on a date and tell me beforehand that the last girl you took here was in better shape than me and you aren't sure if I'll be able to make it all the way.

10. Don't hint at getting my number repeatedly, steal my phone and put it in with any of the synonyms for "Stud" or "Hunk" and then introduce me to your fiance later that evening.

11. Don't take me to a family get together, insist I be in the family photo for the blog and then grab my butt as the picture is being taken.

12. Don't date me off and on for several months and then later inform me that you, "Never actually had any feelings" for me.

13. Don't call me a B***h and then say you only call me that because you love me.

14. Don't get gum stuck in my hair while we're watching a movie and then not tell me! Do you know how hard it was to get out!?

15. Don't take me to "the most redneck restaurant I could find" because I wear cowboy boots and grew up in a small town.

16. Don't squeeze my side and say, "Vending machines?"

17. Don't tell me I've been having trouble getting dates because, "Well, it's hard to get dates when you aren't pretty. I'm sure you can find something else to try and make up for it. Maybe you should wear lower cut shirts."

18. Don't ask if I lost all the weight out of my boobs when you haven't seen me in a while and I'm skinnier.

19. Don't dump me and in the same minute ask me where I'd like to be married.

20. Don't text me the day after you've told me that you never had feelings for me and ask how I am and other questions about my personal life. Once you've told someone you not only don't have feelings for them but NEVER did, you aren't privy to their personal life.

There are so many more but I'm tired of reliving my horrific dating life. Does anyone else have anything horrible a guy said or did to you? Please share so I don't feel like I'm the only "Tool Magnet!"

Love, Chelsea


  1. I've had a guy tell me he received a revelation for me that I should marry him, also had a guy drop BBQ chicken on my lap and then proceed to try and clean it up himself...I've also been stood up, been seriously dating a guy to only find out his fiance is on a mission and he is just killing time, I could go on as well....

  2. Don't make fun of me for finishing my SALAD (that you paid for) when taking me out to dinner.

    Don't start kissing my neck and later decide you really don't know how you feel about me.

    Don't brag to me about all the other girls you've dated and then say you want to start something.

    Don't pass me a note on a paper towel at the gym saying I look like I'm in shape and would I like to race? Oh my tool.

    Don't make me feel like you're my best friend and then drop me like a rock when you realize I'm not interested in a relationship.

    And my personal favorite, DON'T ASK ME OUT ON FACEBOOK. Especially if I do not know you or haven't spoken to you in years.

    Hahaha that was suprisingly fun/cathartic. Let's have a sleepover soon <3

  3. Don't tell me I'm the least anorexic person you know

    Don't tell me I'm probably the poorest girl you've dated

    Don't grab my butt, tell me we need to hang out, then get a girlfriend 2 days later

    Don't give me pet names when you don't even know me... especially when they are things like SUNNY and SHARTED (as in the combination between a poop and a fart)

    Don't spell my name wrong when you are asking me out via facebook

    Hahaha don't worry Chels, you are definitely not the only one. Boys are crazy but there are some good and nice ones out there. I can't believe some of these things are true though. Love you keep your head high!

  4. Don't ask me out on a carpet picnic date in your home then speak to your cats all night in RUSSIAN.

    Don't stalk me at work and leave me bags of candy with notes like...I will be watching for you...written on them.

    Don't tell me you are not ready for a relationship then knock on my door the next week to tell me you met a girl named Kendra and you are going to meet her family.

    Don't take me on a double date with your best friend who is married, watch me eat pizza while you eat nothing, then interrogate me about what is better, the east side or the west side of Salt Lake City.

    Really Chelsea, boys are stupid...what you need is a man. A good man. He is out there, searching for a gal just like you...and he will find you and love you...I know, it happened to me.

  5. Don't come knock on my door, not know my name but ask me out. Then when I already had plans (thankfully!) don't look over and ask out my roommate in front of me ("What about you then?"); who's name you also didn't know.

    Love you Chels!

  6. Do not ask me out on a first date by inviting me to the dumpiest creepiest not-safe-after-dark grocery store in town for free fountain drink because you have a coupon.

    Do not introduce me to your bikini clad screen saver and then let me just sit there watching you play grand theft auto. Worst first and last date ever.